


If I tell you my secret, would you act surprised?

by CinnamonSecrets



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, M/M, Prompt Fic, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 14:51:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4629321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CinnamonSecrets/pseuds/CinnamonSecrets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin cast a Truth Spell to see how Arthur would react if he told him about his magic. He didn't count on discovering more things than he bargained for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I tell you my secret, would you act surprised?

**Author's Note:**

> I have a few prompts pending, and this was one of them: Truth spell. The story is unbetaed, so I apologize for the mistakes you'll find around. This fic is season 4 canon divergence.

Merlin had read the spell hundreds of times, still debating if he should do it. He knew Arthur was kind and fair, but he wasn’t so sure about coming clean to the King and sharing that he had a magic user by his side for years; he feared Arthur’s reaction at feeling betrayed and deceived. He doubted Arthur would understand why Merlin hadn’t told him, but it was becoming harder to hide his magic from Arthur. It would be easier if the prat wasn’t in danger almost every day, but of course, it was too much to ask for Arthur to keep his mouth shut and stop looking for troubles.

Ironically, Arthur said the same thing about him. To the King, Merlin was the trouble maker and mouthy manservant who didn’t know his place and kept messing up everything, when he was trying to fix what Arthur ruined. And he had enough; he was tired of the lies, tired of the effort in hiding what he was and generally tired of this situation. Perhaps if Arthur knew about his magic, after a few days of sulking, he could come around and understand that magic wasn’t good or evil, if he let Merlin explain, of course. He could use Gwen’s help, but Arthur would never forgive him if Gwen knew first.

Gaius didn’t approve of his plan. He never trusted Merlin with spells, as he claims he had no experience in performing them and always had side effects, but in this case, Merlin had read everything over, and it was perfect. A truth’s spell, just to see how Arthur would respond and assess the reaction; he was confident in his speed at running away if Arthur tried to chop his head off right there, and with a small adjustment, he could make the spell last an entire day, and then when Arthur woke up the next day, he wouldn’t remember a thing from said day. It was perfect, if Merlin had a somehow positive reaction from Arthur, he could tell him everything; if he saw Arthur freaking out and generally hating him, he was decided to hide his secret forever, at all cost. He couldn’t leave Camelot; his destiny was there, and he won’t risk having Arthur as an enemy if he told the truth about his magic. And it was a possibility, after Morgana’s betrayal. He had to do it, at least so he could make a choice and stop torturing himself.

He had everything under control, Arthur was in his room, and he was sure he got everything right; he changed the words exactly to fit what he wanted; he always backed out at the last minute, and if he didn’t do it now, he wouldn’t do it at all.

Sighing, he looked the door’s chamber closed, and he gripped the spell as hard as he could. He started whispering the words, feeling knots in his stomach and having the weird sensation of how everything was going to change now. When he finished, he felt like passing out, maybe out of anxiety; if he saw Arthur’s eyes filled with hate, it was going to break his heart that the person he loved the most was the one who hated him as much for having magic; hating him for what he was.   

“Ah, there you are!”

Merlin jumped clumsily after the door opened abruptly. He hit the wall.

“Arthur!” Merlin said as he rubbed his arm.

“Yes, Merlin, it’s my chamber, remember? I called you almost an hour ago, where have you been?”

“I do remember. I was outside your door, chanting a truth spell to see how you would react if you knew I have magic, Merlin blurted out, and after he realized what he just said, clamped his hand on his mouth quickly. Oh no… oh, no, no, no, no. This couldn’t be, he was so careful; Arthur was the only one who had to be under the spell! Oh, this was wrong; so, so, wrong.

He looked at Arthur, who only had his eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, right. It’s not funny, Merlin,” he chastised.

“I thought dark humor could help to ease the tension around here.” All right, he could lie now, maybe it was a short side effect? However, in his experience, side effects never were ‘short’; he lied just fine a minute ago though… magic was always complicated, at least he could admit Gaius was right on that point.

“I don’t have you as my servant so that you can think.” Arthur spat; he was in a very bad mood. “Come, I need you to –”

“Actually, sire, I have a pending matter in the kitchen… I have to go.”

“What? I’m giving you an order Merlin, whatever issue you have with the kitchen staff, I’m sure it can wait.”

“Technically, you haven’t given me an order yet, sire,” Merlin pointed out.

“What’s wrong with you?” Arthur kept glaring at him.

“I cannot lie.” Oh dear, there it was again! The compulsion to tell the truth when Arthur… asked a direct question. It finally made sense to Merlin; that was the part he got it wrong (besides the fact that he stupidly enchanted himself as well), instead of being incapable of lying, he had to answer any question with the truth. But he chose his words carefully; this had to be one of those cases where magic suited the spell better for what Merlin needed even when the same Merlin wasn’t aware of what he needed. This was the problem of being too attuned with his powers, often the magic did whatever it wanted and Merlin never got things right.

“You cannot lie?” Arthur asked with disbelief.

“No.” Merlin answered quickly.

“Did you fall on your head again?”

“No. Not today at least.” Yesterday was another matter.

“I don’t have time for games, Merlin. Stop your buffoon’s routine and start cleaning my –”

“Have to go, sire, sorry!”

Merlin ran quickly trying to avoid looking back at Arthur, who probably was glaring at him. He was going to pay for this later, but until he sorted out what to do with this new development, he couldn’t risk Arthur asking questions that probably would get him in more trouble than what he originally thought of. He reached for the piece of paper he had put in his trousers, and as he glanced at the words, he snorted. The truth shall set you free… yeah, right.

 

* * *

 

 

Fortunately for him, nobody was in the kitchen, which was weird, but at this point he was grateful and didn’t dare question why the place was deserted. This didn’t change anything; he could still see Arthur’s reaction if he asked directly what he would do if he realized Merlin had magic He assumed it was both ways, and not only was him the only affected by the spell. He didn’t ask Arthur a question to test if he was also under the spell’s compulsion, but it was safe to assume he was.

He couldn’t escape Arthur’s wrath for much time; he had to gain courage again and tell the King everything. He was ready to blurt out his secret when the prat interrupted him and surprised him; his courage had vanished quickly and was replaced by fear and anxiety.

“Merlin?” Gwen entered the kitchen. “What are you doing here?”

“Yeah, it’s me. I’m only thinking,” he answered fast. At least he was sure Gwen wouldn’t ask something compromising, and he just confirmed the spell urged him to answer any kind of question, no mattering if it was rhetorical.

“The King is looking for you.” Gwen said in a mischievous tone. “I assume you did something to exasperate him again.”

“He has no sense of humor.” Merlin bit out, thankful that Gwen didn’t say her sentence as a question.

“He’s just tense. After everything that has happened, it’s understandable.” Gwen said with kindness. Merlin looked at her and noticed her sad smile.

“And what are you doing in the kitchen, Gwen?”

“Lancelot comes here sometimes and I like seeing him,” Gwen said naturally; after realizing what she said, Gwen blushed quickly. “I – I don’t know why I said that…”

Merlin also widened his gaze; Gwen was under the spell too?

“Gwen, have you been in the Castle all morning?”

“Yes, I just told you I wanted to see Lancelot.” Gwen bit her upper lip, almost like she was struggling. Merlin knew what that felt like. “I didn’t mean that, I just…”

“Don’t worry Gwen, your secret is safe with me.” Merlin smiled, reassuringly. The spell affected everyone in the castle, then… this was getting worse and worse with each passing minute. At least he was sure about the length of the enchantment. Tomorrow, nobody will remember this day, perhaps seeing it as a weird dream.

“It’s not a secret,” Gwen said defensively. “There’s nothing wrong in wanting to see a friend, Merlin.”

I know, I didn’t imply anything.” Merlin knew why Gwen snapped at him, and as tempting as it was asking her about her feelings for Arthur and Lancelot, he refrained himself from doing it. He had to respect Gwen’s privacy; just because his spell backfired, it didn’t mean he had to take advantage; at least not with innocent bystanders.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” Gwen apologized, sitting down in front of Merlin.

“Maybe we all are tense.” Merlin shrugged, making sure Gwen saw how he didn’t mind.

“Everything has changed so quickly, it’s hard to adjust.” Gwen mused.

“It has taken us by surprise, I admit that.” Merlin sighed.

They stayed in a comfortable silence, and Merlin pondered, when was the last time he had shared time with Gwen like this? Just friends, without pressing matters ahead. The saddest thing was that Merlin knew this moment, this peaceful moment, won’t happen again.

“So, what did you do to Arthur to make him hunting you down?” Gwen asked with glee.

“I ran before he could assign me chores.” The truth sometimes wasn’t as complicated as Merlin thought.

“And why did you run?”

“I cast a truth spell, and he was asking me questions.” He took that back, the truth was horrible. He looked at Gwen to see if she was surprised or scared, but she seemed just… happy. Weird.

“I see; a truth spell, uh? I didn’t know you were a warlock, Merlin,” Gwen smiled widely.

“You know my jokes,” Merlin smiled as well, grateful that Gwen took this as one of his shenanigans more than an honest statement.

“I imagine Arthur didn’t think it was that funny.”

“I told you, he has no sense of humor. It must be the crown… Uther was the same.”

Gwen stayed silent for a few minutes, making Merlin nervous… did he say something wrong? He was sure Gwen knew he wasn’t serious (or at least that serious).

“It will never be the same, right?” Gwen asked.

Merlin wished with all his soul that he could lie in this moment. That he could give Gwen a small hope for the future, as much as he tried to give it to the Knights or Arthur. But now, that he was doomed to tell the truth, he was about to say what everyone knew but didn’t dare to say out loud.

“No. Nothing will be the same,” he said in a sad tone.

“I suppose it’s refreshing hearing something different than the standard ‘it will be okay’ the Knights and the King often say.” Gwen sighed. “Well, I have taken a lot of your time, Merlin; I’m sure Arthur is expecting you.”

“That’s what I fear.” Merlin sighed; he couldn’t hide the entire day, he barely had the courage to cast the spell this time. It would be a once in a lifetime opportunity. If he let this go, he won’t do it again, and he would be back to wonder what Arthur would do with him when he finds out about his magic.

“Gwen,” Merlin decided to test the waters with her best friend, and future Queen (Arthur wasn’t as discreet as he thought he was), “jokes aside, let’s pretend I have magic, like Morgana. Do you think he would ask for my head?”

Gwen frowned, as if she was taken aback by the question. Of course, who would think that clumsy and silly Merlin would have magic?

“Merlin, Arthur loves you. He, under no circumstances, would ask for your head; I’m surprised you asked this, when you should know that if there’s someone Arthur would forgive everything, it’s you,” Gwen said sounding melancholic.

“You think?” She sounded so sure, but Merlin knew that hiding his magic from Arthur was the biggest betrayal the King would face. He wasn’t sure about how forgiving Arthur was going to be, at least not like Gwen, who seemed certain about what she answered.

“I know. I’ve sometimes been jealous of the bond you and Arthur share, is stronger than the bond we want to create; maybe you can’t learn how to love someone, you just do, and it’s not always the adequate person.” Gwen paled, and then coughed lightly. “That was very blunt…”

“But it’s true,” Merlin said, and he understood what Gwen implied. She wanted to love Arthur as much as she loved Lancelot, but she cannot. The same with Merlin, he had to set his eyes on the most annoying and presumptuous prat who, on top of all, happens to be the King. He sure aimed high.

“I…” Gwen was struggling in clarifying her words. “I just… he would forgive you Merlin, no matter what you are, or what you do. You are Arthur’s support, after King Uther died, and Lady Morgana became an enemy of the Kingdom. You’re the only person he knows he can rely on.”

Gwen meant it as something good, but Merlin’s guilt kicked in again. Arthur relied on him, and he was hiding such an important thing from him… he was betraying Arthur with his silence, and even when Gwen felt he would forgive him, Merlin knew that mistrust grew faster than forgiveness.

It took years to gain Arthur’s trust, and he would lose it all in just ten seconds.

“Merlin, are you okay? Did I say something wrong?” Gwen asked, concerned.

“I’m not okay; you told me the truth,” Merlin answered fast, as the spell bounded him to do.

“I’m sorry.” Gwen seemed surprised at Merlin’s honesty. “Maybe we should stop talking about such depressive topics.”

“I agree; no need in being so gloomy,” Merlin smiled.

“Gloomy,” Gwen smirked, “that’s a new one.”

“I get creative when I have nothing to do but hide from Arthur.” Merlin winked at Gwen.

“I see.” Gwen laughed.

They stayed a few more minutes just smiling, and then Merlin got up… time to face reality. He walked as slowly as he could manage and taking the longest path to Arthur’s chamber. What question would give him the most honest answer? ‘Arthur, what would you do if I had magic?’… Or maybe ‘Arthur, I’m a warlock, what do you think?’… ‘Arthur, do you think I’m handsome?’… Wait! Where did the last question come from? The point of casting the spell was finding out what Arthur would do about his magic; he told himself very clearly, personal feelings should not be mixed during this situation, as tempting as it was asking Arthur if he felt the same way as Merlin. Merlin knew the answer, no need in asking something obvious, but a small part of him kept saying ‘what if you’re wrong? What if he loves you back?’… lately it had been difficult to shut up that part, and now with the spell, it got louder and louder.

No, the spell had a purpose, and he shouldn’t take advantage of it for personal gain, just like he avoided doing it with Gwen. He should respect the privacy of certain topics, the line that divided good from evil was very thin when magic was involved, and manipulating situations were the first step to forget that magic is neither good nor bad, but users’ morale dictated that path. Morgana was good until she crossed the line, and she didn’t even realize it until it was too late.

And the same could happen to him if he wasn’t careful.

 

* * *

 

 

He entered Arthur’s room as he was used to, without knocking. The King was apparently waiting for him nearby the table.

“Ah, so you decided to show up,” Arthur said in a mocking tone, “and here I thought you had chosen to take the day off, as you seem to be ignoring my requests. Honestly Merlin, you are the worst manservant in the whole Kingdom.”

“You are fond of reminding me that, sire.” Merlin felt a small twinge in his chest. He had to ask; this was his chance. “Arthur, what would…?”

Before Merlin could answer, they heard a knock on the door.

“Come.” Ordered Arthur, frowning at Merlin.

“Sire.” Gwaine opened the door, bowing lightly when he entered the room. “Are you joining us for practice?”

“I don’t feel like it,” Arthur answered rashly, surprising both Merlin and Gwaine.

“Oh…” Gwaine clearly didn’t know what to say. “Then may we borrow Merlin?”

“No, I need Merlin here.” Arthur kept his harsh tone. “And why do you keep requesting him? He’s useless for training.”

“Yeah, but the way he bends when he’s helping putting away the supplies shows us the amazing arse he possesses.”

Gwaine blushed immediately, and Merlin felt the colors rising to his cheeks as well. He didn’t know that the Knights were doing that! No wonder they always asked him to help them during training. He felt strangely flattered, but also kind of exposed.

“And I mean it in the most respectful way, sire,” Gwaine added, of course, being shameless enough not to care about how inappropriate his words were.

“Ah, I see.” Arthur didn’t bother looking at Gwaine, directing his attention to Merlin. He immediately tensed, somehow he knew Arthur would blame him for Gwaine’s words. In a way, it was his fault; the spell made Gwaine blunter than what he usually was, but how was Merlin supposed to know that the Knights ogled him during practice? “Merlin is forbidden to attend any more trainings, Gwaine.”

“How disappointing,” Gwaine said directly, and Merlin wasn’t sure this was the spell’s fault at all.

“I’m sure you will find someone to ogle inappropriately soon enough,” Arthur said tightly.

“Would you two stop talking like I’m not here?” Merlin asked annoyed. Then he realized he had made a terrible mistake, as he was sure Gwaine would say something even more horrifying with the spell’s influence on him.

“I’m sorry,” Gwaine and Arthur said at the same time.

This was even more shocking. Arthur said I’m sorry; this was horrible; this spell was turning into something Merlin couldn’t control anymore. Arthur seemed taken aback by his words as well, and he frowned at Merlin. Damn.

“Don’t let this slip of the tongue go over your head,” Arthur said mockingly. Arthur being nice… like that was going to happen, it was a truth spell, not a miracle.

Gwaine was still standing in front of them, smiling knowingly. Merlin had suspected he knew about his magic and hadn’t said anything about it out of loyalty; he considered Merlin a good friend, and he perhaps didn’t want to put him at risk, particularly as he was one of Arthur’s Knights; he realized this had no sense anyway. Gwaine was the most discreet person he had met (when he actually wanted to be discreet), so maybe he wanted to respect Merlin’s privacy?

Merlin noticed his secret was exactly like Arthur’s secret. He would ask Gwen to marry him, and he thought nobody knew, hence the entire castle knew and gossiped about it. Then he thought of Lancelot; he also was under the impression nobody knew his secret, but they all were aware of his love for Gwen, even the same Arthur. Maybe the Knights, Gwen and the castle’s staff knew about his magic and let him believe they were oblivious.

“Merlin, what are you staring at?” Arthur snapped.

“Your gorgeous eyes.” Merlin blurted out. Oh, God, no, no, no. He blushed, and he heard the chuckle from Gwaine.

“Very funny.” Arthur, God blessed his soul, took it as one of his usual sarcastic comments. “Why are you still here, Gwaine?”

“I want to see if Merlin tells you his secret,” Gwaine said, and Merlin felt the colors draining from his face. “Uh… I didn’t mean that…”

“Out, Gwaine.” Arthur glared. “And stop wasting Merlin’s time.”

Gwaine looked apologetically at Merlin, mouthing ‘sorry’. He couldn’t be mad at Gwaine. It was the spell, Merlin got himself in this mess; Gwaine was only the latest disastrous consequence of his stupid idea. Gaius was right, he shouldn’t have done the spell. After seeing Gwaine leaving, Merlin decided to run away as well. He had until midnight to ask Arthur, he was sure he could manage to go to his room half-hour before the spell wore out and tell Arthur about his magic. That was the most logic idea he had thought this day.

“What secret – ” Arthur started speaking. Merlin had to stop him before he finished it, otherwise he would be bound to tell him the truth.

“I have to go!” Merlin said quickly, goingo to the door.

“Oh, no, you have slacked off enough.” Arthur warned, heading the same way to block Merlin’s path.

Merlin’s eyes flashed gold, and a chair prevented Arthur from reaching the door. Good think he was looking in a different direction and didn’t see Merlin doing magic.

“Be careful, furniture can hurt you!” Merlin added before disappearing from the room. He heard Arthur shouting about his incompetence and his idiocy. Today Merlin agreed completely.

 

* * *

 

 

He headed to Gaius’ room to confess his stupidity when he saw Gwaine standing in the hallway.

“How the princess reacted?” Gwaine asked after they just stared at each other for a few minutes.

“I didn’t tell him. I ran before he could ask me.” Merlin sighed. “Since when do you know about my secret?”

“The day I met you, actually.” Gwaine smirked. “It’s kind of obvious, Merlin.”

Merlin’s face fell. He thought he had been discreet this entire time, but he had to admit he sometimes had a hard time inventing why everyone was miraculous saved from disasters.

“Why haven’t you said anything?”

“The princess needs to see it for himself, don’t you think?” Gwaine shook his head. “Unfortunately, he only sees what he wants to see.”

“I know.” Merlin muttered. “Thank you, for keeping my secret”

“It’s not my place to point out the obvious,” Gwaine said, “but I have to question your sanity, my friend.”

“You aren’t the only one questioning it.”

“Well, it’s just… from all the eligible man around, you choose to fall for the princess.”

Fall for the princess? What was Gwaine implying? Then it hit Merlin; he wasn’t talking about his magic, he was referring to his obvious feelings for Arthur that he himself had just discovered recently.

“I didn’t fall for him!” Merlin tried to defend himself.

“I thought we were beyond the denial anymore,” Gwaine said with doubt. “How come you act all surprised?”

“Because I thought you meant about my magic!” Merlin cried out. Too late to stop the words… stupid spell.

“That? Merlin, it’s not a secret; we thought you knew we were aware of your magic, and we all have come to the unspoken agreement of not mentioning it out loud. You know, like we don’t say Morgana’s name anymore.” Gwaine waved his hand.

“What do you mean ‘we’?” Merlin gaped, feeling lost. “Arthur knows?”

“God, no, the princess is happily ignorant. He’s even more oblivious than you, if that’s possible.”

“So what? You all gossip behind my back?” Merlin snapped. This was a stressful day.

“Pretty much. Don’t blame us, you spend all your time with the princess. Lancelot, Percy, Leon… we are your friends, but for you, the princess is the only one who deserves your undivided attention.”

He hadn’t expected the chastising tone in Gwaine, and when he was about to defend his point, Merlin realized he was right. Arthur always made clear that the Knights were on another level; Merlin was a servant, Gwaine and the others were Knights. Those two had different tasks, and Arthur didn’t like when Merlin distracted them with his clumsiness. Therefore, Merlin tended to avoid the Knights, however, he didn’t realize that they weren’t the Knights, they were his friends. Lancelot had kept his secret, Leon had saved his life, Percy had volunteered in helping him when needed, and Gwaine was always there to jump in his defense. And apparently they all knew about his magic and didn’t care. He wasn’t a warlock, or a threat. He was just Merlin… his friend.

“Thank you, Gwaine. I’ve been a little blind.” Merlin admitted.    

“Love makes people foolish.” Gwaine sighed. “Just tell the princess, Merlin, before he does something irredeemable.”

He didn’t want to lose everything, and even when the truth should be liberating, for Merlin was the opposite. It could trap him in misery for the rest of his days, and he wasn’t sure if he could live knowing that Arthur hated him. He had thought about leaving Camelot, and it was dismissed quickly. This was his home now, and if he had to hide what he was and how he felt, maybe it was a price he was willing to pay.

Gwaine clapped his shoulder as he passed next to him, almost like he knew what was going on inside Merlin’s head. Perhaps he could relate, he noticed how his friend kept glancing at Percival with longing and melancholy.

Turning around and going back to Gaius, Merlin thought he needed to get more courage before facing Arthur. He had still a few hours left; he could do it during dinner time.

 

* * *

 

 

When he saw Gaius glaring at him as soon as he opened the door, he second guessed his decision.

"Hello, Gaius." Merlin went for casual.

"Merlin, want to explain why when I treated Sir Marcus’ wound he said very explicitly how he had twisted his ankle when he was servicing the baker's wife?"

"Uh... not really?"

"Merlin."

He sighed. No such luck avoiding the topic.

"People might feel compelled to tell the truth on this day," he said, hoping it would be enough.

"Long version, Merlin." Gaius frowned. "And how compelling is this situation?"

"Pretty compelling. It's just -"

"Mister Gaius?" They heard someone knocking on the door.

Thinking this would be his chance to escape, he went to open the door and saw Arthur with a child. Now he felt trapped.

"Thank you, Amir, go play with your siblings," Arthur smiled at the child, who just nodded happily and went away.

Arthur would be an amazing father someday, and that made Merlin's heart hurt because he knew that there would come the time where Arthur just didn't need him in his life anymore.

"Using children for your evil ploys is low, Arthur," he complained.

"And you avoiding your duties is treason." Arthur glared. "Hello, Gaius."

"Your majesty," Gaius said solemnly. "May I ask why you felt the necessity to ask for one of the children to knock on my door?"

"Merlin is hiding something and if he knew I was here, he probably wouldn't even open the door," Arthur said quickly, sounding surprised of telling everything out loud, "and I need an ointment for my back," he added.

"Certainly." Gaius walked to one of the shelves, taking a small jar. "Put this before you go to sleep for three days."

"Thank you." Arthur took the jar, still looking at Merlin, who suddenly found the wall very interesting.

"If that's all, sire?" Gaius asked politely.

"No, it's not all, I want to know why Merlin is acting so strange."

"I'm not acting strange," Merlin defended himself, still looking at the wall.

“The why are you looking away?”

“I don’t want to see you and tell you things”

Merlin winced, like it physically hurt him saying that. If Arthur kept asking things, he wouldn’t have a choice and say everything he worked too hard to hide in the past three years. Gaius coughed lightly, making both Merlin and Arthur turn to him.

“Sire, I’m in need of Merlin for a few hours. I’m afraid my back is bothering me, and he volunteered in cleaning all my pots and jars.”

Merlin widened his eyes, knowing well that Gaius trapped him very neatly. The ‘this will show you what happens when you cast stupid spells’ lesson was written all over his eyes.

Arthur frowned, seeing the blatant lie, but instead of asking something that could lead to disaster, he just nodded curtly. He also didn’t want to antagonize Gaius.

“I expect you to bring me dinner, Merlin.” Arthur warned. “I’m sure you’ll be done with Gaius’ assignment by then.”

“Yes, sire.” Merlin muttered.

When Arthur left the room, Merlin felt like he would collapse against the wall. This had been awful, always wondering if Arthur would finally catch a clue and ask the right things… maybe this showed him that he wasn’t ready to be honest with Arthur. It wasn’t the right time.

“Perhaps you should worry less about the right time, there’s no such thing,” Gaius said.

“What?”

“You were thinking out loud; hopefully, you are more careful in front to Arthur, although for what I just witnessed, I doubt it.”

“I just wanted to know, Gaius. If there’s a small chance that Arthur would accept my magic, I have to know.”

“And are you ready to get your heart broken if he doesn’t?” Gaius lifted an eyebrow. “Merlin, Arthur is a good man, but he grew up with Uther’s influence about magic. You cannot ask him to forget everything, when for him, magic has cost him the people he loved.”

“And that’s the point, right? If he can’t accept me…”

“Right.” Gaius answered. “Love is a powerful weapon.”

“I assume that now you’re talking about my infatuation with the prat,” Merlin glared.

“I meant in general, but since you brought it up… you shouldn’t be ashamed of feeling love, Merlin. I’m just hoping you can face the consequences of this spell with no deep wounds.”

“Me too… hey, Gaius… what do you really think of Agravaine?”

“He is a complete buffoon and just wants to take advantage of Arthur’s love for his deceased mother.” Gaius frowned. “I better stay here and rest my back.”

“I could ask Percival if –”

“No, Merlin,” Gaius said, firmly. “You had a goal with this nonsense, then focus on that and don’t take advantage of what people have no control in saying.”

“Yes, yes, you’re right. Maybe just a tiny –” Gaius kept his glare. “Fine, no asking questions to others. I should get ready to bring Arthur dinner, then.”

“I wasn’t kidding about the pots and jars, Merlin. Start scrubbing. Let that show you that sometimes the easiest solution doesn’t involve magic.”

“Is this your subtle way of saying that it’s a lesson disguised as a punishment and I better not use magic to clean them?”

“Indeed. Look at that, honesty can be helpful sometimes.”

 He could hear the sarcasm in Gaius’ voice, however, he had a good point. Honesty could be helpful this time, if only to have his heart shattered into pieces.

He lost track of time while he scrubbed the same pot over and over. Thinking how to say everything to Arthur made his head hurt, and he wasn’t sure he would be brave enough to actually do it.

“Merlin, time to go,” Gaius interrupted his train of thought. “I believe that pot is very clean by now.”

“Sorry.” He grimaced. “I tried to focus…”

“Go, Merlin. I wish you luck.”

“Believing in luck already?”

“No, more in miracles.” Gaius patted his back. “You do what you think is right, Merlin.”

That was the problem. He didn’t know what was right anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

He took his time getting dinner, until the cook ushered him out from the kitchen. He also walked slowly, he could trip and lose Arthur’s dinner. It was better being careful.

He knocked and heard the annoyed ‘enter’ from Arthur. He took a deep breath, and he opened the door, smiling widely. He could do it.

“Ah, so you finally show your face.” Arthur complained.

“You are grumpy… is it because you are hungry?”

“No, it’s because you are acting oddly, and it scares me.” Arthur looked taken aback.

“I’m not.” He put the tray on the table. “Come on, time to eat.”

Arthur sat in silence, almost like he knew that he had said too much and he couldn’t help it.

“Don’t just stand there. I know you brought enough for the both of us, so sit down and stop fidgeting.”

Merlin smiled weakly and sat down; true, he had brought enough food, but he wasn’t hungry. He took a chunk of bread and started playing with it, not knowing what to do.

“You want to hear an interesting story?” Arthur said, between bites.

“Always.”

“Gwen told me she was in love with Lancelot.”

“What?” Merlin coughed.

“Yes. I just asked her if she had found love, and blurted out she loved Lancelot. It’s funny, don’t you think? This day everyone is saying what they really feel…, and I wonder…”

“Hm?” Merlin tried to act naturally.

“Maybe magic is involved?” Arthur said, watching Merlin with a piercing gaze.

Merlin bit his tongue. He shouldn’t answer that. He had to take control before his mouth babbled more information than needed.

“Of course magic is involved,” he said, and tried to backtrack. “You think it’s always magic.”

“It usually is.” Arthur frowned. “Anyway, what do you think about Gwen?”

“The matters of the heart are hardly fair. Gwen is in love with someone else, there’s no shame in that.”

Arthur took a sip from his cup, watching him carefully. All right, he couldn’t handle the pressure anymore; he had to do something.

“Arthur,” he started, not knowing exactly how to continue, “I want to ask you something.”

Arthur made a ‘go on’ gesture with his hands.

“Um… well… if I had a secret… a very big secret, that would change things between us, would you hate me if I told you all about it?”

“Merlin,” to his surprise, Arthur took his hand, “there’s nothing wrong with your secret.”

He tried to free his hand from Arthur’s grip, surprised, but then he just grabbed it with force.

“You know?”

“Of course I know, Merlin, I’m not daft. It’s pretty obvious. I’m not mad about it, I just was wondering how long you would keep it hidden from me.”

“I –” Merlin was speechless. How was he supposed to react now?

“I know you fear being rejected; I mean… I’m the King,” Arthur smiled, “but like you said, there’s no shame in that.”

Wait, what?

“What?”

Arthur just smiled dumbly, like he made perfect sense.

“Arthur, what do you mean?” He asked directly, because right now he needed the clarification.

 “Your feelings are very clear, Merlin,” Arthur said, sounding smitten. “I was waiting for you to be honest, and now I –”

“My feelings?” Merlin interrupted. “That’s not what I wanted to say!”

“Of course, your feelings, what else could you be fearing to tell me about?”

“My magic!”

Merlin gasped, now taking his hand back and standing up quickly. He had to run! Run and never come back.

“Your magic?” Arthur asked, surprised, and then stood up as well, blocking Merlin’s path.

“Yes, my magic.” Merlin decided it was now or never. “I have magic, Arthur.”

Arthur just stared at him with a frown.

“Are you thinking ways of killing me?” Merlin said weakly when Arthur kept quiet.

“No, I’m waiting for the rest. You have magic, and…?”

“And that’s it!” Merlin raised his voice. “What more do you want, you prat?”

“I thought you had something else besides that. Merlin, I’ve known of your magic for a while now. You are the worst at keeping it a secret!”

“What?” No. This couldn’t be real. He must be dreaming.

“You are not dreaming,” Arthur sighed.

He should also stop expressing his thoughts out loud.

“B-but… you never… you never said….”

“It was supposed to be a secret, and unlike you, I’m capable of acting like an oblivious person without actually being one. This is the big secret you wanted to tell me?”

“Yes.” Merlin found this anticlimactic. He was hoping for yelling, threats, at least a punch… and now Arthur already knew and apparently was fine with it. “Are you…?”

“Magic can be corrupt, but I also have seen you saving Camelot… saving me… I have no doubt in my mind that you are loyal to me, magic or not.” Arthur said, and it warmed Merlin’s heart.

He finally let go of the fears and the pain of thinking how Arthur could have hated him for this.

“Gwaine said you didn’t know about my magic, and I thought….”

“Merlin, at this point, I think everyone knows of your magic, but acts like they don’t. It works for us… it’s still banned in Camelot.”

“Maybe someday…?” Merlin looked at Arthur with hopeful eyes.

“Maybe. After defeating Morgana, it could be something we can work on.” Arthur relented. “For now, we must keep appearances. My uncle isn’t ready to know the truth, and also we are in the middle of a war.”

“Yes, I know,” Merlin sighed.

Arthur then took Merlin’s hand again, and started stroking it.

“About your feelings… Merlin…”

To his surprise, Arthur closed the distance and kissed him tenderly. Merlin's eyes flashed gold and Arthur fell on the ground, unconscious.

He panicked. He wasn’t ready for this… Arthur… Arthur felt the same way? Was this pity? Was this some sort of a joke? Or he was heartbroken after Gwen said he loved Lancelot? He probably should have asked Arthur before he decided to leave him unconscious. His magic reacted in strange ways when he was nervous, and now he had a King on the floor, and a few secrets revealed.

As he put Arthur in his bed, he was disappointed that he wouldn’t remember anything from this day tomorrow. Maybe it was for the best, now Merlin knew that Arthur was just pretending for his sake, and in the future, perhaps they could discuss the topic more openly.

And as for the feelings he had for Arthur… he wouldn’t remember Gwen’s confession about Lancelot, and he had no right interfering there. 

This should feel like a victory. Everything turned out well, better than expected, and yet Merlin felt a small void in his heart. Tomorrow, he just needed to act like nothing happened.

Pretending after knowing Arthur was accepting of his magic was bittersweet.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day he attended his duties, crossing paths with Gwaine, who acted like usual, Gwen seemed cheerful, even Gaius was in a good mood. Maybe it was a side-effect of the spell, but if it put Arthur in a good mood as well, he couldn’t complain. He entered Arthur’s room, expecting to see him still in bed. To his surprise, Arthur was just sitting in his chair, already dressed.

“Oh, you’re up,” Merlin said, trying to act casual.

“Yes, Merlin, once again your powers of observation are astonishing.”

“See? I told you, you were capable of dressing yourself,” Merlin smiled, while he put the tray on the table.

“Merlin, do you have any idea why I have a bump on my head?”

Merlin froze. He thought he had fixed that.

“Um… not really… perhaps you hit yourself during training?”

“Ah… it could be… or it could be you moronically did something that made me fall on the floor, and I hit my head, how about that?”

“What?” Merlin stammered. “I didn’t do anything! I –”

“I distinctly remember that I was kissing you and then nothing, and I woke up with a headache and this bump. This has Merlin written all over it.” Arthur snorted. “What did you do? Got scared and run away?”

“I didn’t – wait… you remember? You remember what happened yesterday?”

“Of course I remember… and now you owe me a kiss,” Arthur stood up, walking towards Merlin who hit the wall and found himself trapped…. Again.

“But I…. the spell…” Merlin said weakly. “I didn’t even know you like me.”

“If you stopped running, you would know by now. Shut up and stop ruining the moment.”

And like yesterday, Arthur started kissing him, but now he felt confident and kissed back with all the enthusiasm he could muster. He had no idea why Arthur could remember, but right now that wasn’t important. He was with the person he loved the most, and apparently he felt something similar, if his tongue is any indication of that.

Then Arthur moaned, and Merlin couldn’t help it. His eyes flashed gold again and Arthur fell on the floor, unconscious. He would be furious about that second bump, but Merlin couldn’t help his magic reacting to this. He was happy, and his magic decided to go a little crazy. This wasn’t by any means perfect, but he wouldn’t have it in any other way.

He hoped that in time, things could progress beyond kissing without leaving Arthur concussed.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked the story! Thank you for reading!


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